Dear Johnnie Boden,
Imagine my excitement when my denim clamdiggers arrived! I poured myself into them without hesitation and pranced about my boudoir like a show pony.
Tragically I discover that the seam hugging my lady garden is askew, once aligned at the rear it is a good few inches west of central up front. I confess that I am usually a symmetrical lady, dressing neither to the left or right but straight down the middle.
I wonder if my spaniels have shifted with age, perhaps it is a direct result of too much testosterone in the water? I confess I have left the seat up lately and have taken to watching documentaries about super structures.
Clearly I am an anatomical freak, and I apologise for letting you down.
Thank goodness, Mr Boden, that you are practically perfect in every way.